how dare we sit quietly

 Sooooo as it turns out, we're only halfway through February and I've already completed 25% of my word count goal of 200k!! I had no idea I was going to write so much this year, and I've actually been thinking for a while about how maybe I should raise my goal higher. I was too afraid to do it at first because I figured this was a fluke since I just happen to be obsessed with the current project I'm working on, but now I think it's a sign that I can actually write a whole lot if I dedicate the time and energy. 

Additionally, I think I ought to challenge myself a little more! I'll be keeping my usual goal of 1000 words a day, but I'm going to challenge myself to work on TWO projects at once!! I've been trying very hard to focus on a single project at a time because I've found that overwhelming myself with too many projects at once just makes me lose motivation. But I have discovered recently that it kind of sucks not having a back-up project to work on when I lose steam on my main one, and maybe having a plan B will help me keep up the good work I've been doing so far this year. 

So here goes! 

NEW GOALS:
-reach a 300k word count by the end of this year 
-write 500 words of main project every day 
-write 500 words of side project every day 

NEW CHALLENGES: 
-write 1000 words of main project every day 
-write 700 words of side project every day 

 So far the year has been going great! i've been writing a lot and plan on publishing something rather big by february! wow!!! my current word count has totaled up to around 9k, which makes about 1k a day. that's really cool, and if i keep up that pace, i'll end up shooting past my total goal of 200k for the year! 

but ALSO......im thinking that maybe i should start REALLY challenging myself this year. i've never really tried to challenge myself in terms of writing before because it's just a hobby, but that's kind of silly!! just because you do something purely for enjoyment doesn't mean you can't challenge yourself at it, so i've decided! 

looking at my current progress, i think it would be reasonable to expect 1k words a day, and set that as a regular goal. however, on top of that, i'm going to be challenging myself to make it 2k a day!! i'm not really going to have anything to reward myself with (except for the satisfaction of having written Many Words), but i think it would be a good way to motivate myself to just WRITE MORE. 

and the great thing about a challenge is that it's not something i'll have to stress myself about because it's 100% optional (stressing about the regular 1k is something else entirely haha...) so it won't be much of a burden, just something i can use to get ahead of my goals!! so good luck to me!! 

does anyone else have any ideas for writing challenges?? maybe some challenges you might have set for yourself?? 

I mean, i'm not specifically tight on money, but it's nice to have some pocket coin every once in a while, especially after the winter season when i've spent everything on presents (and myself, not gonna lie). but i feel like the real issue is do i have the confidence to ask for money in return for my writing?? and more than that, do i have what it takes to meet the deadlines?? and uhh.....most importantly.....would anyone actually commission me???????? i have a super small reader base, and now that i've moved ao3 accounts i've basically lost them all, and all of my followers on tumblr are just mutuals. there's no harm in opening commissions, except maybe to my pride, when nobody commissions me. 

i want to give it a try, especially since it might help me get better at meeting deadlines and churn out more words for the 200k goal of the year, but it's more than likely that nothing will come of it, and i'm not sure if it's worth the energy at this point. i'll have to think about it some more, but maybe sometime in the future when i've put more stuff out and gotten a larger audience i can be a little more optimistic of the results. 

 What a fuckin year!!!! Nothing much happened. 

THE BLOCK

"Square One" threw me into a seriously tough block, for real. It's unfortunate and beyond embarrassing, but every time I write something that I think is good, I'm convinced there will never be another like it and I somehow just lose all motivation. That's so silly!!!! But it gets me every time. Is it because my ego is too big or my self confidence is too low? Seems like both, really. So I need to learn to believe that I can be better than my current best, and that sometimes I will do a shitty job, but that doesn't mean I'm getting worse. 

ORIGINAL CONTENT; BRANCHING OUT 

Another goal for this year: write more original content. Lately I feel like I'm getting a lot more creative ideas for original stuff, but I haven't been confident about actually writing it because I...don't really know how? I grew up writing fanfiction, I just don't know where to start. But I have to start somewhere! And it's worth trying, if only to get out those ideas that are always crowding up my thoughts. 

I think writing for NaNoWriMo really opened my eyes to how much I can accomplish with an original storyline. There was so much material I didn't even manage to finish the story with the 50k quota. I really loved my characters, and I loved their stories, and I had so much fun because it's been a long time since I got to do whatever I wanted with a character and be HAPPY with it. I have high hopes for that story, and for the DT project I'm working on with Alisa as well. 

SELLING

Publishing comes with a lot of pressure to cater to the readers. Since I started publishing again in late '14, every time I pick up my pen to start a new story my first thought is about whether or not the readers will like it. Or, more specifically, whether or not A LOT of readers will like it. It's hard not to think about it, and I'm not going to make it a goal to stop doing it altogether because I know it's impossible, but I CAN make it a goal to stop making that my priority. There's nothing wrong with humoring the audience every once in a while, or getting something out there purely for the attention, but at some point my interests stop coinciding with those of the readers, and if I let my desperation for attention/approval force me into writing stuff that I don't want to, then no one is happy because nothing gets written. One of my most important goals for this year will be to write FIRST for me, and SECOND for my readers. 

TECHNICAL STUFF 

Haha...how about that dialogue......Spoilers: shit's dry as fuck!!! I'm so bad at writing witty, realistic, natural dialogue. I've spent pretty much this entire year envying all of my writer friends, for whom this stuff seems to come naturally. Everything I put in quotes comes out lackluster, monotone, and just EMPTY!! Strangely enough (or maybe not), that's basically exactly how I talk. I need to learn how people who are not me talk and how to apply that to my writing, or else I will be forever stranded with boring, droning dialogue.

I think the dialogue problem might stem from the fact that I don't really seem to know what my characters are thinking. My character introspection is lacking severely, and it's really hurting my creativity and productivity. I want my readers to connect with my characters or at the very least understand their motivations and feelings, but even I don't know most of the time...Too much of my stories are completely story-driven, I don't give myself or my readers enough room to really learn about the characters, so that's something I really, really need to keep in mind as I write this year. 

Also, for some reason, I seem to be capable of only writing either really short sentences or super long run-ons with many commas. I don't know why but I always feel like I can't get the flow right. I should read more, I think, and try to diversify my sentence lengths. 

BASICALLY, 

This year is going to be all about loving myself as a creator and author (if not as a person haha), loving my characters, and learning about and from others. My publishing goal: 70k+ My total word count goal: 200k+. Here's to a year of writing and learning and writing more!!